Life Happenings: A Musical Future?

*Note: There are a lot of links to previous blogposts of mine in this post. Feel free to ignore them if you wish, but if you really want to know what's happening in my life and where my heart is, please refresh your memory of or read for the first time the posts I link to. Thanks!

Some of you have never read this blog of mine before. Others have been my readers since the beginning or have come in along the way. Regardless, those of you who know me know my interest in music. I talk about it a lot on this blog...recall some of my previous posts, such as:

Playing air piano
The music is all around you. All you have to do is listen.
A Murder for Her Majesty
The Life of a Failed Musician-turned-Sociologist

...and plenty more. It is a big part of my life. But til now, I haven't been able to turn my music into a career by which I can support myself and possibly others. My last post was about how I was looking for work and was stressed about my financial future. I mentioned looking for a job in the field of sociology, which I've searched for and had no luck finding. I have also considered writing or teaching writing/English. But most of all, I want a job in music and said that "virtually any music job opportunity would bring me joy."

You may wonder, what has happened with the job search? Nothing that I expected, that's for sure. So many interesting things have happened in the past few months, and I know that those of you who are truly interested in the goings-on in my life either already know about them or will ask me for more details. For the rest of you, I'll kindly summarize. Recently, I made a new friend who graciously granted me the opportunity of working with her, doing SEO writing. It is a job I can do from anywhere and I am so grateful to have it. We have been told by several of our employers that our writing is high in quality and that they think of us first when they need a project done, which is always good news to hear as writers. I thank the Lord and my good friend J for this opportunity to help make ends meet at this complicated time in my life.

In addition, this friend of mine through the Hand of the Lord has granted me another opportunity: to become involved in a grand musical project. Right now there is no income to be had from said project, but if we are able to find the right resources and if we do our best to make things happen, I believe God will allow this to become a positive and profitable experience in many ways for those involved. I have become highly invested in this project, in part due to the hope for a future income in this field but more for the fact that it allows me to do what I truly love. I am so grateful that the Lord has allowed me to become involved in something I love. Sociology was always something I was good at, and it will continue to be a resource for me. If a good sociology job opportunity comes along, I may take it. But sociology was never a love of mine like music is. So for now, I will pursue this musical path I have chosen. I have been able to discover the true meaning of the phrase, "Get a job doing something you love and you'll never work a day in your life." This rarely feels like work to me. Of course it's not a paid job yet, but I'm hoping that one day I'll be able to generate an income as part of a force that will edify and strengthen others through music and other good sources, such as writing, media, etc. Perhaps this project is the beginning of that opportunity for me in my life.

As part of this step in life, I have to relocate back to Utah Valley, and soon. I once wrote that "Utah Valley has been pretty good to me, but I don't feel that it holds anything for me as far as my future goes. So I am looking elsewhere [for where to go in life]." Though I have very mixed feelings on returning to Utah given my mixed experiences there over the past 6 years, apparently I need to give Utah Valley one more chance. Perhaps this time as a non-student, living in the Provo area will grant me a different experience. Maybe I will have a better social and dating life. Who knows? I'll have to see what happens when I get back there. Most of all, I'm very concerned about how I will survive financially when I get there. With student loan payments coming soon, rent payments, probably car insurance and car payments, and normal costs of living, I'm definitely going to struggle. If at all possible I'd like to at least break even every month with the money I make from my SEO job and the bills I have to pay, but I'm not sure if I will be able to. I'll have to rely heavily on the Lord for His grace to sustain me. Gotta have the faith and don't stop believin'!

This entry has been long, but yes, that was me summarizing what's been happening in my life. The real story is much more detailed and involves not only J but also KD and A and others.

Music is so much a part of me that I can't ignore it. Music flows from my fingers, it consumes my mind, it roams unchecked from my vocal chords, it is the very air I breathe and the energy that allows me to move. It is here in my heart, and I am listening to it.  I know that music must be a part of my life, and I want it to be. Therefore, I will allow it to direct me into uncharted life territories so that together, music and I can make the most of life. In faith, I know that the Lord will not leave me comfortless or stranded but He will mold me into an instrument in His Hands so that I may contribute good to this world through the talents, gifts, and resources He has given me. I pray that He continues to guide me and all of you in our journeys and that we can always see His Hand leading us to where we need to be.

Looking for work

So, uh, hi everyone. It's been two full months since my last update and, well, some things have definitely happened since then. In July we had an awesome family reunion for all descendants of my parents, which right now is 19 people including spouses and grandchildren. It was our first one for just our family and it was wonderful. I wish we could all live in closer proximity to each other so we could spend more time together. Shortly after that I graduated -- I officially finished my Master's degree (still haven't received the diploma in the mail, but I'm sure that'll come soon)! My parents came up for that and we all celebrated. Then I left Utah to come live in CA with them until I find a job. I was very sad to leave my two sisters and their families behind in Utah, but it was time for me to live somewhere else. So here I am, back at home with my parents and looking for work. Do any of my dear readers have suggestions for me on where to look? I'm hoping for a position as a research analyst of sorts, researching family structure, family relationships, child development, or any number of other people-related subjects. I'd also like to teach sociology or even writing/English. Most of all, as I'm sure you know, I would love to do something music-related -- teaching, composing, arranging, etc. Virtually any music job opportunity would bring me joy. Of course, I'm struggling with figuring out the whole "real adult life" thing -- having a real job with a salary, 401k and other benefit stuffs, figuring out insurance, paying back student loans, having to buy a car and car insurance, finding a good place to live, purchasing necessary furniture/appliances for said residence, dealing with meager savings and dwindling funds...you know, the fun stuff. Yay. But it would all definitely be easier if I had a job...so if you have any suggestions, please let me know. Particularly if you have any connections to research or music positions. Thank you!

I apologize once again for the boring-ness of the life update, but my life isn't terribly interesting right now anyway. Perhaps soon I will have more interesting things to say. 

Party Rockin' in the Summer

It's been a busy, busy summer!

First things first: THESIS = DONE! I finally defended it on June 11th and passed with a few revisions, which I completed and submitted not long afterward. Exciting! I celebrated with friends and family at the local Olive Garden and Coldstone. =) Now I'm done with my Master's Degree. :-o But I'm still trying to figure out what to do next (recall my previous blogpost)...any suggestions?

This last weekend my sister K, her daughter M, and I went down to my friend D's wedding and my cousin W's wedding receptions in southern California. We drove down Thursday and came back on Tuesday. I was a little apprehensive about the drive with my 15-month-old niece, but she was very good! Our sister C lent us her portable DVD player, which helped immensely. The wedding and wedding dinner/reception (delicious salmon!) for D were beautiful. I decided to give her a long-requested gift (D, if you haven't opened it yet you'll find out soon enough anyway) of a CD of myself playing the piano. 9 years ago for her high school graduation, she requested that I record myself playing Jon Schmidt's "Waterfall" on the piano for her, but I never did it...at first it was that I didn't really have a way to record it, then I hadn't played it for a few years and wasn't as good at it anymore, and then it was just left alone. But when her wedding date started to draw nearer I remembered how I had never done that and decided that I wanted to make it happen for her wedding. I recorded a whole CD for her, with "Waterfall" and 9 other tracks of me playing the piano (other pieces I like to play, one I wrote, and a few Disney kicks since she loves Disney so much). It certainly isn't perfect; I used my laptop's built-in microphone and the wonderful program Audacity to edit it, but I believe the final product would suit her original request. For my cousin W, I played their wedding song on the piano (Yurima's "River Flows In You") for their first dance. It was great to see lots of family there that I haven't seen in a while. She had an awesome set of songs for the dance party segment of the reception, including Michael Jackson, a bunch of swing stuff, "Zoot Suit Riot", and of course, it began with LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem". When "Party Rock Anthem" came on, I really wanted to dance to it, so my aunt's 60-something-year-old fiancé whom I'd just met told me to "go dance!" I said I didn't have anyone to dance with, so he immediately jumped up and went and danced with me for that song and a couple more fun ones. It was awesome. The rest of the trip was nice to just spend playing with Mom and Dad, seeing my brother D and his family, and a few friends, going swimming in my parents' pool, enjoying the beautiful California summer, and of course eating at some of our favorite restaurants from home that we miss.

Then, of course, yesterday was the Fourth of July. Happy Independence Day, everyone! My roommate T and I went to hang out with my sisters' families and our friend C, which involved the traditional games, barbecue, and fireworks. The latter may or may not have involved the purchasing of many, many fireworks ("emits showers of sparks!") with your standard sparklers, ground blooms, smoke balls, black cats (ouch, those hurt your ears!), and other more intense fountains and aerials with names such as "Spirit of Missouri" (C is from Missouri), "Magic Cube Fountain", "Blazing Rebel", "Devil's Delight", etc., and ending with "Full Metal Jacket 2". It was quite the display. My poor 4-year-old nephew had a great time but was completely exhausted when he finally went to bed 2 hours later than normal. Then we had to brave the horrendous post Stadium of Fire traffic to get back down to Provo. But it was worth it for a good holiday celebration with great people. God bless America!

In a few weeks we will have our first Burr family reunion with all the descendants of my parents! That means 2 parents, 5 kids, 4 spouses, and 8 grandchildren for a total of 19 people. It will be a lot of fun. Yay, family!

And it's raining today! I love the rain.

Life is good, if you couldn't tell from what I post here. I just need to figure out where to go next. I still feel like I should leave this general area, though I will definitely miss my sisters and their families. Utah Valley has been pretty good to me, but I don't feel that it holds anything for me as far as my future goes. So I am looking elsewhere. If you have any suggestions, again, I welcome them. Thanks for reading!

Update, shmupdate...life as I know it

After not writing for weeks and weeks..."It is time." (read in the way Rafiki says it as he realizes that Simba is still alive and is the rightful king)

These past weeks/months I've spent mostly working on my thesis, which is now just about done! My defense is scheduled and is in about 2 weeks, so I've just got to figure all that out, prepare my defense presentation, format the paper correctly...I meant to work on the format today, but of course the BYU website isn't working, so I can't look at the form requirements. Ah, well. Then I make any last minute changes, and then I will be finished with my Master's degree. Crazy! Well, not crazy, because I've put in the work necessary for it. Just a little "whoa!" because it's finally happening. Here's to hoping all goes well at the defense.

Last week I got to go visit my brother K and his family, which was really fun. K and S took their youngest daughter on a trip for four days while I took care of their other two children, D and A. D is old enough that he was in school, but A was still at home. She and I played lots of Pretty Pretty Princess and Candyland, watched movies, colored pictures, and more. D showed off his great piano-playing skills (he's going to be really good at it!), and we played more games and what not together. When K and S got back with their daughter K, I got to see how great K is at walking and how sweet she is when she talks (she says "peeeease???" or "please" in the cutest voice when she wants something). I'm very proud of all three of them. It was a good trip.

My other niece, S, turned 6 on Saturday...I missed it because she lives in another state, but I think it's so great that she chose to go to an art museum on her birthday. (What 5- turning 6-year-old wants to do that? She's awesome.) I have so many nieces and nephews (eight with one more on the way!) and I love them all very much. I wish I could see them all regularly, but with my four siblings living in three different states, it is difficult. As it is, I still get to spend a good amount of time with my sisters and their children, since they live close by. We do dinner together every Sunday and it is great to spend time with them. I'm going to miss them when I move away.

That brings me to my next "update"...which isn't really an update at all but more a report of my current state of being. This current state of being is that I have no idea what to do in a couple months. I will be done with school and for the first time in my life, I have no plans. When I graduated high school I applied to a few different schools but knew that if I got into BYU, I wanted to go there to study music. I got in and I came to BYU, but then I auditioned three times for the music program and couldn't seem to get in. I considered going to a different university for music, but felt that the Lord wanted me to stay at BYU, so I pursued a different field of study. Then when I was finishing my Bachelor's in sociology, I decided that an MS in sociology would help me get a better job than having just the BS, so I went for that degree. Now I'm finishing that and am wide open. I could always go for a PhD, but I think I'm really ready for a break from school. I never wanted a PhD, but I wouldn't say no to it; it's just not something I want to do right now. So now I'm trying to figure out, where do I go from here? There are so many career paths a person with an MS in sociology could pursue and I'm really not sure which one I want to do. As I've said before, I enjoy sociology well enough but am not passionate about it, so I do not necessarily want to fill my life with 40+ hours a week of pure sociology unless it is temporary. Ultimately, in the future I hope to be a full-time mom with a part time job in music or something sociology if necessary for financial reasons. Ideally for now I would like to get a good job with the skills I've developed through my sociology education, one with benefits that will pay well and help me pay off my student loans and save up for bigger life purchases like a car and a home. Unfortunately, I really can't picture myself very easily as a full-time data analyst, researcher, working at human resources, or in other jobs like those. I've always wanted to teach music and can easily see myself doing virtually any music career, but while I can jump right into music as long as I have a place to live and a piano with which to teach (another expensive purchase I'm not quite ready to make), starting out with music wouldn't pay me well for at least a few years. Furthermore, unless I were to work through a music company, I wouldn't have benefits. So it seems best that I procure a steady position with my skills as a sociologist so that I can pay off student loans and save up some money.

In addition to not knowing what I should do after the next few months, I don't know where I should do it. All I know is that I'm ready to leave Utah. One of the reasons I stayed here for my Master's was in hopes that I might find someone to marry. That might sound silly to some but is very normal for an LDS woman like me, now in my mid-20s with many LDS friends who are married with one or two children by the time they're my age. But of course, while many people have met their spouses in Provo, I have not. And while my dating life in Provo was certainly busy until I was 20, it has been pretty much nonexistent ever since then. My hopes of that improving over my 2-year Master's program went tragically unfulfilled. Therefore, I have determined that I should leave Utah, or at least Utah Valley, if I want to find my match. That said, I don't know where to go to find him. What's more is that I don't even know if I will find him. It's possible I won't be married for ten or fifteen years yet, or that I will never marry in this life. I certainly don't know, but of course I'm hoping that wherever I go from here will be the place where I meet him. Unfortunately, as I've been praying about it, I haven't felt any strong, clear promptings about going to a certain place, so apparently the Lord is telling me it isn't time yet or He is leaving it up to me to choose where to go. And with choosing for myself, I don't really have in mind a specific place where I would like to settle down to guide me in my search for where to live. I think I could be happy any number of places around the country. So it looks like I'm just going to have to choose something...any suggestions on where to go or what job to look for?

Well, there you have it: I am finally finishing my Master's degree, enjoying family, and trying to figure out where to go and what to do next. If you have any suggestions or advice for me, please share! Thanks for reading, and Happy Memorial Day. Remember those who have given their lives while serving our country.

I Will Stand as a Witness for Truth

I will stand tall for the gospel of Jesus Christ and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I haven't written a note in ages, and this one will not contain much of my own words. I wish to refer to the message of a song that was once very special to me. It is a song I learned as a young woman in the LDS church, and its message is one that bears repeating. As Church leaders reminded us in General Conference a week ago, we must stand for truth and righteousness, oppose evil no matter where it is found, be examples of the believers, and hold fast to eternal truths. I hope that these words will help encourage you (and me!) to do so, because no matter how significant the worldly consequences may seem, the eternal blessings will be infinitely greater. "If you have not chosen the kingdom of God first, it will in the end make no difference what you have chosen instead." (quote most commonly attributed to Elder Neal A Maxwell)

"We have been and continue to be taught God’s laws. Despite what you may see or hear elsewhere, these laws are unchanging. As we go about living from day to day, it is almost inevitable that our faith will be challenged. We may at times find ourselves surrounded by others and yet standing in the minority or even standing alone concerning what is acceptable and what is not. Do we have the moral courage to stand firm for our beliefs, even if by so doing we must stand alone?...It is essential that we are able to face—with courage—whatever challenges come our way." - President Thomas S. Monson: Prophet, Seer, Revelator, and President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I Will Stand  (Music and Lyrics by Christy Hinkson)

I'm here for a reason with differences to make

In the final season, important steps to take

But I cannot succeed here if my footsteps are not planned

I think it's time for me to take a stand

I will stand for everything good

I will stand where prophets once stood

I will stand in my youth

A witness for truth I have found

On Holy Ground, I will stand

Standing as a witness of all the truth I know

At all times and in all of the places that I go

My life has many choices and voices that divide

So I'll be standing on the Savior's side

I will stand where others may fall

I will stand and hold my head tall

I will stand in my youth

A witness for truth I have found

On Holy Ground, I will stand

I will stand all of my days

I will stand and follow His ways

I will stand in my youth

A witness for truth I have found

On Holy Ground, I will stand

Sheet music for "I Will Stand": 

http://www.heartrisemusic.com/Downloads/Sheetmusic/IWillStandSHMU/IWillStand.pdf

Mosiah 18:9 "Stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in...that ye may have eternal life."

What we Latter-day Saints believe:

http://jesuschrist.lds.org/SonOfGod/eng/his-life-and-teachings/articles/we-believe

http://mormon.org/faith/

http://mormon.org/articles-of-faith/

For more information:

http://mormon.org/

http://www.youtube.com/user/MormonMessages

Or you can ask me and I'd be happy to talk to you about what we believe.

THESIS PROSPECTUS DEFENDED.

Done and done.

Now to do the actual analysis...here's hoping all goes well!

Playing air piano

It's been months, and so much has happened that I'm not going to tell you about it!  Ha.  Those of you who really want to know all about it can ask me personally.  Suffice to say that I am working hard on my thesis and am finally about ready to defend my proposal (35 pages later).  And I'm preparing to run a 5K in March (never actually ran a 5K race before, so that should be fun).

I keep thinking of blogposts to write and then I never get around to doing them...so here is a brief one for you all.

In the last month or two I've noticed a substantial increase in the amount of "air piano" I play.  Not just drumming my fingers like a normal person, but moving them as if I'm actually playing a musical piece.  Seriously, every single time I'm walking somewhere I realize I'm moving or tapping my fingers as if I'm playing the piano.  At least 20 times a day, I realize I'm doing it...when I'm thinking of something new to type for my thesis, when I'm waiting for something, when I'm talking to someone...and often I will realize that I am not just "playing" mindlessly but am playing an actual piece I know: a Beethoven Sonata I auditioned with for the BYU music program, Für Elise (that song will always have a place in my heart), a Chopin Scherzo, Prokofiev, scales, arpeggios.  Oddly enough, the piece I "play" most often is a specific Dozen a Day exercise that's good for finger independence...go figure. And it's not just the right hand melody part that I play. Sometimes I play chords.  Sometimes I realize I'm playing the left hand part. Alone. With no melody. (I sometimes will hum or sing aloud the harmony part to a song instead of the melody.) I even mentioned yesterday to my roommate that I've noticed myself doing this, and she said she's noticed it over the past few weeks, too.  Music is just so much a part of me, I think it wanted to remind me that I've been neglecting it in place of other silly things like school and work.

I think what this means is that I desperately need to play piano more.

I miss music.