An Essay on Fasting

Almost exactly a year ago I was in a car, moving back to Utah. I wasn't sure what it'd be like this time, what kind of housing I'd find, whether I'd be able to find work, if the dating life would be any better, what my ward would be like, what any of it would be like as a non-student back in Studentville. It was only a few months after I'd left it "for good" and yet there I was, moving back for a new adventure and a great potential life opportunity. Nothing was solid about it except for my intended roommate J. Clearly, I was pretty anxious about it all; I spent a lot of time in prayer, asking the Lord to help me know why I was here, to help me find out where I was going, to sustain me in the 0 degree weather which my recently re-acclimatized Californian body wasn't used to, to find housing -- which, in the LDS culture, affects not only how you're living but can largely affect your social life and your spiritual nourishment because where you live tells you where you'll be going to church and what ward you'll be in...So after some pondering and talking with J, we decided to fast together about finding the right place to live.

I've always known that fasting is important. I seem to remember my parents telling us that when we were 8 years old and could be baptized, we were also old enough to learn how to fast. My first experience with fasting was on the Fast Sunday right before my 8th birthday -- I wanted to try it one month early, since the rule was that I'd have to do it the next month anyway. And I got SO sick...I was lying on the couch, miserable, throwing up repeatedly (even though there wasn't really anything in my stomach), listless, in pain, wanting to fast but knowing my body absolutely hated it...not that anyone's body loves fasting, but still. I was sick enough that my parents even agreed to cut the 24-hour fast a bit short to give my body back some much-needed nutrients. My siblings certainly didn't complain about the early dinner. But the point is, the Lord blessed me greatly for fasting that Sunday. I had that one horrible experience with my first attempt at fasting -- perhaps the devil's attempt to convince me that fasting won't work for me -- and then the next month, and the next month, and the next month, and so on, it was far more doable and I never got sick. Sure, I was hungry, and more frequently than not I completely forgot to have a purpose for my fast. I don't think that we ever entirely forgot to fast on Fast Sunday (my family's always been good at scheduling and dates and such), but sometimes I did have a hard time making it all the way through the 24 hours until dinnertime. And when I moved out and had roommates who were used to eating right after church on Fast Sunday (even when Church was from 9-noon), I sometimes failed to keep to the two-meal fast I'd been taught to do. Still, the Lord blessed me for my meager efforts.

When J and I fasted that first Sunday last January about where to live, the Lord blessed us immediately and abundantly. Within two days, He led us to the perfect place: the Hobbit Hole, as we call it. It's a wonderful blend of comfort and joy and fantastic landlords and full furnishings...and an amazing ward. We were blessed to be in a ward with all kinds of excellent people and the most incredible bishopric. Our bishop is one of the best of men, one of the most aware, genuinely caring, intelligent, knowledge-hungry, generous and selfless people I've ever known. I know that J and I needed him at this time in our lives. And as the ward has changed and new people have moved in, I've been blessed time and time again by their friendships, by their examples and influence and their beautiful spirits.

At that time in my life, a lesson needed to be learned or reemphasized. Heavenly Father knew what I needed, and sure, I'd prayed fervently to be led to the right place to live. Yet sometimes, "this kind goeth not out but by prayer AND fasting." (Matthew 17:21) God has promised us that if we ask in faith, He will answer. I'm sure He would have helped me find a place to live even if I'd prayed only, and maybe it would have been the Hobbit Hole. But how much greater are the blessings of those who truly seek them out through both prayer and fasting? In showing the Lord that you are willing to deny yourself of even the basic needs of the flesh to have food and drink, all for the sake of a greater desire and need, your sacrifice becomes acceptable to Him and He will bless you an hundredfold with more than you could have imagined.

Our church has scheduled a regular church-wide fast on the first Sunday of each month since December 1896. Some of us can barely manage the once a month fast, but fasting the bare minimum is not really enough to make us into the Saints we profess to be. My good bishop told us a few months ago that he's decided to fast once a week for the rest of his life. He shared with us that as he tried this experiment of a weekly fast, he found multiple blessings come into his life -- he was far stronger in resisting the devil, more able to accomplish his goals and tasks, better able to serve, and plenty more, including the fact that he continued to be strong and healthy despite denying himself food and drink for two consecutive meals once a week.

On remembering this, I decided to fast today because I know I haven't been keeping myself as spiritually nourished as I ought. In fact, Heavenly Father and I had a chat about that earlier this week and I had some serious apologizing to do...but I've done it and I've recommitted myself =) So today I decided to fast that I'd be able to draw closer to Him and, no surprise, it has already worked. My church meetings abounded with spiritual promptings and feelings and revelations, ways I can serve better, knowledge that the Lord is there always by my side and wanting to help me be the best that I can. I received spiritual confirmation that He truly wants to help me gain my fondest dream and that He is always there. I was more touched by the messages shared in a family ward full of strangers with lots of noisy children than I tend to be in my own ward full of young single adults, because I allowed myself to be closer to the Spirit through fasting.

Just look at some of the additional blessings of fasting, as listed in Hymn #139:
1. In fasting we approach thee here
And pray thy Spirit from above
Will cleanse our hearts, cast out our fear,
And fill our hunger with thy love.
2. Thru this small sacrifice, may we
Recall that strength and life each day
Are sacred blessings sent from thee--
Fill us with gratitude, we pray.
3. And may our fast fill us with care
For all thy children now in need.
May we from our abundance share,
Thy sheep to bless, thy lambs to feed.
4. This fast, dear Father, sanctify--
Our faith and trust in thee increase.
As we commune and testify,
May we be filled with joy and peace.
Text: Paul L. Anderson, b. 1946. (c) 1981 Paul L. Anderson and Lynn R. Carson.
Music: Clay Christiansen, b. 1949. (c) 1985 IRI

Look at some of those blessings promised in the scriptures:
Joy and rejoicing: “And on this day thou shalt do none other thing, only let thy food be prepared with singleness of heart that thy fasting may be perfect, or, in other words, that thy joy may be full. Verily, this is fasting and prayer, or in other words, rejoicing and prayer.” (D&C 59:13–14.)
For miracles and for the direct benefit of others: “And it came to pass after they had fasted and prayed for the space of two days and two nights, the limbs of Alma received their strength, and he stood up and began to speak unto them...” (Mosiah 27:23)
For knowledge and testimony strength: “I have fasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself. And now I do know of myself that they are true; for the Lord God hath made them manifest unto me by his Holy Spirit.” (Alma 5:46)
Humility, firmness of faith, joy, consolation, purity and sanctification of heart: “Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God.” (Helaman 3:35)
Glory of the Lord, righteousness, and answers from God: “Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy reward. Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am.” (Isaiah 58:8–9).
Spirit of prophecy and revelation: “They had given themselves to much prayer, and fasting; therefore they had the spirit of prophecy, and the spirit of revelation.” (Alma 17:3).

In the past year I've had multiple experiences that have significantly strengthened my testimony of fasting, including my experience today. And I'm strongly considering making it one of my New Year's Resolutions to fast weekly. Though sometimes fasting is quite difficult for my weak body, I have faith that the Lord will help me fast in my weakness and bless me for my efforts. I know this is important to Him and that it will make a significant, positive change in my life. And I, for one, am all in favor of positive changes.

A prayerful hymn for holiness

In Church today, we sang "More Holiness Give Me". It reminded me of how a few years back, I wrote an entry elaborating on the meaning of that hymn. Though I am long overdue for a fresh, new entry, I feel it is a good time to remind myself and anyone who may be reading of the significance of this hymn. Begging the forgiveness of those of you who would rather I not simply repost previous entries.

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Philip Bliss wrote the words and music to a beautiful hymn about 150 years ago.  That hymn is called "More Holiness Give Me".  Too often I think that when we sing it, we just sing "more ----------, more -----------" without thinking about what it is we are saying.  These are my thoughts about the hymn.

As a whole, this is a prayer.  This hymn is a very personal pleading between me and my Father in Heaven.  When I sing these words, I am pleading with Him to change my nature so that I can become more like Him.  Therefore, I ask for more of those qualities that are pure and Godlike.  "More" is not just a repeated word, but demonstrates an increasingly greater desire for Divine aid.

I think I will "translate" the words to this hymn.  The words on the left reflect the actual text of the hymn, and the words on the right reflect my understanding of them and my ponderings.

More holiness give me                                           Father in Heaven, please give me

                                                                                sanctity and purity of heart.

More strivings within                                             Please bring Thy Spirit here so that

                                                                                I may feel it in my heart, and 

                                                                                have a greater desire to do good

                                                                                and serve Thee.

More patience in suff'ring                                      Help me not to complain so much, 

                                                                                to remember that trials are

                                                                                necessary for me to progress  

                                                                                and to receive blessings.

More sorrow for sin                                             Give me a sensitive heart that feels 

                                                                                pain for the sins I commit so  

                                                                                that I may repent and return to 

                                                                                Thee. Also help me to feel pain 

                                                                                for the sins of others instead of 

                                                                                disregarding them as "their 

                                                                                choice".

More faith in my Savior                                        Strengthen my testimony of Thy 

                                                                                Son's infinite Atonement for my

                                                                                sins.

More sense of His care                                         Help me be more aware of my 

                                                                                Savior's everlasting care and

                                                                                desire for my eternal joy.

More joy in His service                                         Help me to find happiness in 

                                                                                serving the Lord.

More purpose in prayer.                                       Help me remember that prayers 

                                                                                are not just words spoken

                                                                                aloud, but a means for me to

                                                                                counsel with Thee, for me to 

                                                                                come to Thee just as I might

                                                                                come to my earthly father for 

                                                                                guidance.

More gratitude give me                                         Father, please help me to be more

                                                                                appreciative of the countless 

                                                                                blessings Thou hast given me

                                                                                and do continuously give me.

More trust in the Lord                                          Remind me of Who is in control, for

                                                                                Thou knowest all things.

More pride in His glory                                         Strengthen me so that I am bold in 

                                                                                my adoration of Thy Son, that I 

                                                                                may shout His glory from the 

                                                                                rooftops.

More hope in His word                                        Along with faith, give me hope in the 

                                                                                scriptures and the words of the

                                                                                prophets, which promise eternal

                                                                                blessings if we are faithful.

More tears for His sorrows                                   Help me to feel more sorrow for His 

                                                                                sorrow, to feel more sorrow for 

                                                                                all the sins of the world and the 

                                                                                wickedness that He Atoned for

                                                                                in Gethsemane.

More pain at His grief                                           Allow me to feel even a portion of 

                                                                                the pain He feels for those who 

                                                                                will not turn to Him.

More meekness in trial                                          Help me to be humble and 

                                                                                submissive in my trials so that

                                                                                I may endure them well.

More praise for relief.                                           Give me more gratitude when my 

                                                                                burdens are lifted, and help me

                                                                                to remember Who is the reason

                                                                                for such great blessings.  Help

                                                                                me to share that blessing with

                                                                                others and praise Thy Name 

                                                                                all day long.

More purity give me                                             Father, make me pure and holy, 

                                                                                that I may see Thee.

More strength to o'ercome                                    Give me fortitude against the

                                                                                draining power of tribulations,

                                                                                and help me to endure well, 

                                                                                that my spirit may be

                                                                                strengthened through it.

More freedom from earth stains                            Free me from the thorns of the flesh,

                                                                                those sins that would chain me 

                                                                                for all eternity.  Help me to

                                                                                resist temptation where neces-

                                                                                sary and avoid temptation

                                                                                where possible, that I may be 

                                                                                free and worthy to worship 

                                                                                Thee.

More longing for home                                         Help me to not forget that I was once

                                                                                at Thy feet, that I am only on

                                                                                earth for a small period of time

                                                                                to be tested.  Help me to

                                                                                remember that heavenly home

                                                                                and have an ever greater desire 

                                                                                and longing to return to it.

More fit for the kingdom                                       Mold me so that I become an 

                                                                                instrument in Thy hands, that I

                                                                                may be able to accomplish Thy

                                                                                will for the kingdom of heaven.

More used would I be                                          If I can be molded into whatever Thou

                                                                                wouldst have me be, may I be

                                                                                 used in whatever calling or 

                                                                                service Thou might require, and 

                                                                                as such I would be able, 

                                                                                available, and eager to serve.

More blessed and holy                                         I ask Thee again to please give me

                                                                                a pure heart and a spirit of 

                                                                                holiness

More, Savior, like Thee.                                      So that above all, I may become as 

                                                                                Thou art.

                                                                           I ask for these blessings with faith

                                                                                to receive them, in the sacred

                                                                                Name of my Lord and Savior, 

                                                                                Jesus Christ.  Amen.

The Value of Mothers

I have noticed an interesting trend in the world. Granted, while I work from home, I live in Utah, and most of my contact with the "outside world" is through the internet, I can't say this is a "random sample" from which I have drawn my observation. However, having studied the people of this world at length and being the sociologist that I am, I will apply my observation and understanding of this trend to the general population. I believe it is accurately representative.

Today is Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful mothers! Whether that is biologically true or practically true or socially true according to your situation and desires, you deserve honor and celebration this day and all days. Motherhood is one of the most honorable and desirable professions because being a mother is a godly calling. "Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels" (In James R. Clark, comp., Messages of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Vol 6: pg 178).

The interesting trend I have noticed is that people still care about mothers.

It is rather sad that I feel I have to draw attention to something that, frankly, should be seen as "duh". But what has happened to the family over the years? What has society been doing to the family? The definition of family has been altered and changed drastically merely in the last ten or fifteen years, though there was plenty of evidence to foreshadow that in the decades beforehand. Marriage is under attack. Divorce is rampant. Divorce rates are technically lower now than they were in the 1980s when they reached their highest peak, but not by much. And with the marriage rate falling as well, this shows even more how little we as a people value the institutions of marriage and family. Abortion rates are frightening. Birth rates are low. Single parenting is commonplace. The prophets have taught us that "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." Yet approximately half of all children are born out of wedlock and have no chance to experience family life as God intended.

(Please bear in mind that I am sharing these statistics from my memory of my academic study in sociology over the last several years, which is why I do not quote studies specifically as reference. If you are disinclined to believe any of them, please ask me and I would be more than happy to confirm them with reliable sources of data.)

What has happened to the family? Societal evidence shows that it is literally falling apart. And yet, people continue to celebrate mothers and motherhood.

On this Mother's Day, I have observed an outpouring of Facebook statuses, blog posts, quotes, phone calls, and more, all honoring mothers. What intrigues me about this is that I have observed a greater appreciation for mothers on Mother's Day through these means than I have seen for any other holiday of late. This includes such holidays as Easter and Christmas. Considering to the commitments and attentions of the circle of people in my little corner of the world, I believe this is more than merely a manifestation of religious preference and the holidays one chooses to observe. And with the prevalence of electronic devices and ease of updating a status from wherever you are, I also believe it is more than a matter of having time or access to post something online. From what I have seen today, people are literally putting more focus today on celebrating their mothers than on any other holiday or reason for celebrating it, including even those holidays dedicated the Savior of the world.

Why is that?

I believe that the answer is simple: because there are some eternal truths that cannot be ignored. Mothers are given the task of raising precious souls in this increasingly dreadful and wicked world, to bring light and hope into their lives so that they can go out into that world and strive with all their might to make it a better place for their own children one day. Abraham Lincoln is quoted to have said, "All that I am and hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." Mothers touch our hearts in ways that cannot be ignored or unappreciated. The sacrifices that mothers give for their children cannot even be described. The love they have for their children cannot be measured. Motherhood is so powerful that the impact mothers have on our lives cannot even be put into words. And the world knows this. People can choose to ignore any and all the evidence of a loving Heavenly Father, a God who has given them all things, merely because they can't see Him. But they can see their mothers, and they can't ignore them.

No matter how sick the world gets, no matter how much the devil attacks God and the family, mothers cannot be forgotten. Their influence is too monumental, too widespread, too tangibly visible to ignore. And because of that, I believe there is hope for this world. Often of late, I have felt sickened by the evils proliferating in this world like a deadly pandemic from which there is no protection. I wonder how people can do the things they do, rationalize what they rationalize, ignore what they ignore, and neglect what they neglect. After all that God has done for us, how can we forget Him so quickly? How can we forget the One who created us? But as the Lord's prophet Thomas S. Monson has taught us, "One cannot forget mother and remember God. One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one."

Despite the other disturbing trends we find in the world today, this rings true. The godly traits of motherhood resonate within our hearts and within our souls. We know of the goodness of mothers, and their constant selflessness, sacrifice, virtue, and love compels us to honor them. And seeing how we honor our mothers on this day, I feel more at peace. There is still much that needs to be done for good in this world, but I am well pleased to observe the dedication of this people to their mothers because it means that despite their claims, they have not forgotten their God. Motherhood is near to divinity. The Lord does not leave us without types in this world -- He has filled it with symbols and signs so that the believers might recognize Him in all things, and mothers are perhaps the greatest symbol of God that we have in this world. While we have fallen far, there is still hope for humanity. I am grateful that we still recognize the value of mothers. 

New Beginnings and Blessings in Utah

Ahh, Provo. It's surprisingly good to be back. I moved back right after Christmas and moved into K and R's place. It wasn't exactly fun at first...I was alone in their house while they were out of town for the holidays, and the temperature hovered around 0 degrees Fahrenheit the entire first week I was there (even in the "heat" of the day). It wasn't THAT bad to deal with, though the cold and terrible air quality made me sick and didn't want to let me breathe. But soon after coming up here, the Lord blessed me greatly. J and I found the perfect place to live! Our Hobbit Hole (perfectly named) is in the basement of a house. The landlord is fabulous; she has provided all the furnishings (including a queen bed for J!) and dishes, and she pays for most of the amenities, including internet for our work. It's really a perfect situation. Our LDS young single adult ward also seems like it will be really good, with a wide range of ages, lots of guys (most of my wards in Provo had an overabundance of girls, so this is a nice change), and a great bishop. Work with my SEO job is continuing as usual with some added blessings. We've gotten a few new clients lately, and one of our clients is absolutely loving the work I produce. That's always nice to hear! I'm also grateful for the new friendships I'm forming, one in particular and others that I'm sure will come as I get to know the people in my ward. The Lord has been so good to me lately! A good place to live, good roommate and friend to live with, good family nearby that are always generous and fun, good friends, good work, good ward...life is good! I'm filled with gratitude for how the Lord has blessed my life. I am excited to see what is in store as my new life continues here. New beginnings! It will be awesome! Kronk out. 

Turning 23: Thoughts and Celebrations

Over the weekend, I did not write any posts, not because I have already given up on my goal of writing at least every weekday but because it was my birthday!  I think that’s a valid excuse, and if you don’t, you probably shouldn’t be reading this anyway.  So today’s post will not be about any particular issue or topic in which I am interested; I’ll just tell you how my birthday weekend (#23) was.  And if you don’t want to read it, maybe my posterity will.  Doesn’t matter to me.  =)

On Friday, I went with T and M out to dinner at La Dolce Vita, a little family-owned Italian food restaurant in town.  I got a spinach calzone with mozzarella, parmesan, and ricotta cheeses, covered in Ragú sauce.  It was divine.  Then we went and Redbox’d “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World” (my choice; I had already seen it but was in the mood, and I knew T and M hadn’t seen it).  I figured that even though Molly isn’t into gaming so much (neither am I, but I at least know how it works), she’d enjoy the plotline and at least appreciate a well-done film.  Of course, she absolutely hated it, which made me feel bad for making her watch it—I really thought that she’d at least enjoy it somewhat, but apparently she loathes gaming that much.  At least T liked it and wants to buy it now!  

Saturday was also fantastic.  P and I got French toast at Kneader’s for breakfast.  If you’ve never had French toast from Kneader’s for breakfast, you are missing out.  I LOVE French toast and it is the best French toast I have ever had.  Yes, it’s that good.  We then went and got manicures, which were sorely needed – I hate how dry Utah is, because my hands get so cracked and dry.  Hooray for aesthetics schools in the area that will service you for cheap.  She dropped me off at my sister K’s, where I hung out with her, her husband R, my sister C, her husband C, and their son J.  It was a good day: we played Bohnanza, Mario Kart wii (for J; he threw a fit every time we turned it off), and Imaginiff. Highlight of that game: “If K (my sister) and Santa Claus had a baby…” Fitting, because K is almost 7 months pregnant; sad that R had to find out this way who the real father is. =P  We also had celebratory cake and ice cream (chocolate chip cookie dough).  For the cake, we attempted something new: we made spice cake for a two-layered cake, then for the “glue” we used apple pie filling instead of a layer of frosting.  The frosting ended up being Funfetti vanilla frosting (leftover’s from J’s third birthday last month).  It turned out quite delectable.

The next day, Sunday, was my actual birthday.  Unfortunately I didn’t get enough sleep on Saturday night, which meant I was falling asleep in 8:30 Church.  I didn’t want to do that, because one, I hate falling asleep in church, and two, the lessons and talks were fantastic.  Our high councilman and one future sister missionary in our ward (she had her call to Canada) spoke on reverence: what it means and how to develop it in our lives.  Sunday school was about the reactions to Christ’s birth (Mary, the angels, Simeon, etc.).  Relief Society was about the Sabbath day and fasting, and I was somehow able to stay awake for that third hour of church.  After church I had to get set apart in my new calling.  I am now a member of the temple committee!  I will miss my calling as Relief Society teacher very much, but of course the moment you get really good at or really attached to a calling is the moment you are pulled away from it.  But I’m excited to be on the temple committee.  I have a strong testimony of the importance of the temple and regular temple attendance.  In fact, I’ll admit that multiple times in the past I have been jealous of friends getting married almost more for the fact that they were able to make their temple covenants than that they were now married.  Of course I want to get married, but I want to make those covenants, too.  Anyway, I hope this calling will be good for me and that I will be able to contribute to the good of our ward in encouraging people to attend the temple regularly.  The blessings in one’s life from regular temple attendance are immeasurable.  Anyhow, I was set apart in my calling by the first counselor in our bishopric.  It always amazes me how strong the power of the Spirit becomes when a Priesthood holder exercises his Priesthood authority and gives a blessing.  The whole room filled with the Spirit of the Lord.  It was wonderful.  When I got home from that, I took a glorious hour and a half long nap, and then went to my sister K’s sister-in-law’s house for dinner.  They do dinner regularly with her in-law siblings, but this is the first time I took her up on her invitation for me to join.  I got to see B’s new baby—always fun.  After dinner we played Catan Histories: The Struggle for Rome, which I got for K and R for Christmas.  It was an adventure as we all tried to learn this new game, then play it.  Luckily we are all game people and caught on quickly, and I think we all liked the game very much.  

As it was late when I got home Sunday night, I slept in Monday.  Always good.  For lunch, a bunch of friends and I went to Tucanos!  It was a party of 30 and it was fabulous.  Several had never been to Tucanos, so I was pleased to introduce them to the amazingness that it is.  Most of my friends from sociology came – my cohort, some of the 2^nd year cohort, as well as my professor M – plus some people from my ward, old roommates, and other friends.  It was great.  I felt very loved =) The rest of the day was really relaxed…my roommate A and our friend M watched She’s The Man, which I kind of watched…I’m not a huge Amanda Bynes fan, nor am I really into movies like that, but it was all right.  A and I decided not to do anything else the rest of the day and just watched another movie, How To Train Your Dragon.  She hadn’t seen it because she was in Jerusalem last semester, and she loved it.  That movie really is fantastic, and it’s so quotable.  You know I love quotable movies!  I also spent some time perusing the Netflix list, because my mom and dad got me a 3 month subscription to Netflix for my birthday!  What is first on my DVD list, coming to me tomorrow?  X-men the Animated Series: Volume 1.  Of course.  I haven’t seen those since I was a kid, and I am totally stoked to watch them again.  If you are still reading this ridiculously long post and have any suggestions of movies or T.V. shows I should check out, let me know! 

Thoughts about turning 23: One, I feel old.  I feel like 23 is the first year of the mid-20s (early 20s = ages 20-22, mid 20s = ages 23-26, late 20s = 27-29), and that makes me feel a little old.  It doesn’t help that I can count on one hand the number of girls in my ward that are older than me; most are a good two years younger.  I’m even older than a lot of the guys, almost of all of which seem to have gotten back from their missions in the last six months or so.  So, I feel old.  My friend MW in Missouri told me I should get a bunch of cats, or feed birds in the park.  =P  My second thought is, I only feel old because I’m single, not dating anyone, and living in a city where a large percentage of women my age are married and already have a child or two.  One of my sisters and one of my brothers were both married by the time they were 23.  By the time my Mom was 23, she had a son.  If I were to get out of this area—which I intend to do as soon as I get my Master’s Degree—then it will be perfectly normal if I am still single by that time.  Thought number three, unrelated to the first two but the most important of the three: I have now officially been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for fifteen years!  I’m looking forward to another fifteen, then another fifteen, then another, so on for forever, and I’m excited for every minute of it.

A Drop of Blood

A few years ago, a man I was dating at the time shared a song with me. It is called "A Drop of Blood", by Aaron Edson, and it is about the Atonement of the Savior. If the video doesn't work, I've transcribed the lyrics below so that you can at least read them. I think it's a beautiful song.

A drop of blood falling from his chin

He says, Mommy, I don’t want that bike no more

But a mother’s love says, Darling, try again

Let’s show this bike of yours who just turned four

And I know it hurts, but child, it’s just best if you pull through

‘Cuz the pain will go away someday but the strength will stay with you.

Once upon a time

A Friend of mine suffered more than you

Then He showed the world what men of sorrows ought to do

He opened up the door for me and let me walk right through

He paid the price

Let’s see what you can do

A drop of blood falling from her chin

Marks the hours every day she plays

But a master’s love says You’ll play that violin

And the sound will touch their hearts like heaven’s rays

And I know it hurts, but child, it’s just best if you pull through

‘Cuz the pain will go away someday but the strength will stay with you.

Once upon a time

A Friend of mine suffered more than you

Then He showed the world what men of sorrows ought to do

He opened up the door for me and let me walk right through

He paid the price

Let’s see what you can do

A drop of blood fell from His chin

When He was born in Bethlehem

A tiny child’s life begins this way

But look at what that Child became

He freed a world from sin and shame

That’s why we’ll praise His Blessed Name this day

A drop of blood falling from His chin

He said, Father, I would not drink this bitter cup

But a Father’s love gave Him strength to pay for sin

And thanks to Him, we might be lifted up

So I know it hurts, but listen, it’s just best if you pull through

‘Cuz the pain will go away someday but the strength will stay with you

Once upon a time

A Friend of mine suffered more than you

Then He showed the world what men of sorrows ought to do

He opened up the door for me and let me walk right through

He paid the price

Let’s see what we can do

Be Still, My Soul

You may know that my favorite hymn is "Be Still, My Soul." The peace that song brings is so powerful. Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God", was twice quoted in General Conference last week. Here are the lyrics to "Be Still, My Soul" and a video of an amazing boy's choir (Libera) performing the hymn.

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side; With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide; In ev'ry change He faithful will remain. Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake To guide the future as He has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; All now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on When we shall be forever with the Lord, When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored. Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past, All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

I have a Pandora music station dedicated to "Sunday music", and through it came across an instrumental rendition of "Be Still, My Soul" by one Chris Rice on his album "The Living Room Sessions". I highly recommend looking it up if you like the hymn. Though the piece was instrumental, there were lyrics, different ones that the traditional words in the LDS hymnal. I would like to share them here. They clearly have a non-denominational or born again Christian perspective which provides a different perspective than we might normally have.

How far are you? How close am I? I know your words are true and I don't feel them inside. Still I believe you'll never leave, So, where are You now?
You're all I have, You're all I know, Your breath is breathing in my soul. Still I am gasping, aching, asking, Where are You now?
'Cause I just wanna be with You. I just want this waiting to be over. I just want to be with You, And it helps to know the day is getting closer.
Every minute takes an hour, Every inch feels like a mile 'Til I won't have to imagine And I finally get to see You smile.
My journey's here but my heart is there, So I dream and wait and keep the faith While You prepare our destiny, 'til You come back for me. Oh, please make it soon.
I just wanna be with You. I just want this waiting to be over. I just want to be with You, And it helps to know the day is getting closer.
Every minute takes an hour, Every inch feels like a mile 'Til I won't have to imagine And I finally get to see You.
Every minute takes an hour, Every inch feels like a mile 'Til I won't have to imagine And I finally get to see You smile.

I just found those lyrics interesting. I feel as though the singer is struggling with his testimony, just as the person singing the traditional words is, and pleads with the Lord to be there for him. However, this perspective demonstrates a greater sense of aloneness, while in the traditional one it is as though the individual is consoling himself with the knowledge that God is with him. In that sense it is as though there is a great distance between the individual and the Lord. I do not believe that is the case; I believe the Lord is with us always, so long as we live worthy of His presence. I prefer the original lyrics because they demonstrate the closeness of the Lord to us. Yet this different perspective also draws more attention to the fact that each of us will be able to see our Father in Heaven once again, and the singer looks forward with eager anticipation for that day, not only when he will see His Lord again but when he will see Him smile. I think that will be one of the greatest sights to look forward to: a smile upon the faces of our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. I just wanted to post those lyrics here mainly for that reason: that we can remember how absolutely wonderful it will be to see Him again, and to see Him smile. I, for one, am very excited to see Him again. =) I hope for the strength to live worthy now so that I can live with Him eternally.