First, a more frivolous update -- I went to a lovely local aesthetics school the other day with P to get manicures/pedicures. I'd never gotten a manicure and hadn't gotten a pedicure since high school, so this was glorious. I know it's one of those things you really can't afford but hey, it was cheaper because it was a school...and it was desperately needed...and they gave me the best pedicure/manicure treatment I'd actually ever had. I will definitely be going back sometime =)
Also, my dataset for research has finally started cooperating with me! Woo hoo! I can now DO SOMETHING with it. Lovely.
Onto the real reason for blogging today. So as I've been living life and taking this Marriage and Family class, I've been thinking a lot about that kind of stuff. This class and life have both taught me a lot of things, and here are some of the things I've learned. Relationships are HARD WORK, no matter how you slice it. But if yours have lots of problems and you want to make them easier and better, you need to change the type of person you are. In my classes with this professor (this is my third from him), we've talked a lot about your "way of being", meaning the way that you are. We've talked about how you can live life however you want, but when you do one nice thing for a person, that doesn't mean you are a nice person. Anyone can figure that out, but it is important to really understand this concept. If you want to be a "nice person", you need to change who you are so that that characteristic defines you. Therefore, if you want to be Christlike, you need to change yourself so that you are more like Christ. Regarding relationships, we know that the Savior said, "Greater love hath no man than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends." Our Lord's existence is centered around US; He gave His life for our sakes, because He loves us so much, and His every desire is so that He can bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man--you, me, everyone. In sociological terms, that way of being is a "being for the Other". "The Other" signifies each and every person with whom you come in contact. Our responsibility to exist for the Other, as our Savior does, is best exemplified by the words of Emmanuel Levinas, sociologist:
Emmanuel Levinas, Ethics and Infinity, p. 100-101
It is I who support the Other and am responsible for him. One thus sees that in the human subject, at the same time as a total subjection, my primogeniture manifests itself. My responsibility is untransferable, no one could replace me...Responsibility is what is incumbent on me exclusively, and what, humanly, I cannot refuse...It is in this precise sense that Dostoyevsky said: “We are all responsible for all men before all, and I more than all the others.”
You see, we are inseparably connected to each and every individual in the world, and we are responsible for them. That doesn't mean you have to babysit every person you see and make sure they're not getting hurt. What it means is that you love--truly love--everyone. If, in relationships, we were to forget about the little things that really don't matter at all and instead, see that person for who he or she really is, we would realize just how much he or she is in need. As we change our way of being to a Being for The Other, we can see each Other in a whole new light as a real person, someone with just as much--Levinas would say more--need as we have. To offer service once in a while to improve our relationships isn't enough. We need to change our fundamental selves to be for the Other.
People can tell when you're faking it. People know when you're complaining about them to others. I've been on both sides of the equation. It's impossible to ever really hide your feelings--that's why it's been said that we have a sixth sense. So when you're having problems in your relationships and doing service for the other person isn't solving it, don't assume you've done all you can. There is always more that you can do to fix things. Even if they really were the one to cause the problem, you are the one who continues to let it be a problem. Chances are that if you changed your way of being to a true Being for The Other, the other person will change as well, and even if they don't, you will no longer feel victimized and the relationship will already be improved.
There's my two bits. I was going to say more but I've said way too much already; it's more like two quid or two bricks. Meh. I hope I made some sense =)
My quote for the day will have to be Dostoyevsky's...so here it is again: “We are all responsible for all men before all, and I more than all the others.” Don't forget it!
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